Parent Hand-outs

The list they gave to parents is varied. There are some parenting philosophies, psychology based approaches, Christian influenced perspectives, and some books about trauma, neurodiversity, and attachment. The fact that NLA gave this list to parents says they were trying to get the parents to agree with their methods of “discipline”. There are multiple categories I’ve separated them into, but New Leaf was trying to get the parents to agree with their tactics like reinforcing control, distrust in children, and strict discipline. Some of these books are genuinely helpful, but the troubled teen industry cherry picks information and twists the authors words. Every family is different, a good program would focus on finding the root of the problem within the family (and their child) and give them specific book recommendations based off their family dynamic instead of posting a list and telling the people who pay them to go through a list of titles and zero discription or genre guidance.

Here are the Categories:

1. Christian/Conservative Parenting Philosophies

• Loving Our Kids on Purpose, by Danny Silk

• Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters, by Meg Meeker

• Five Love Languages of Teenagers (Gary Chapman)

2. Behavior Management and discipline 

• Parenting With Love and Logic, by Foster Cline and Jim Fay

• No Drama Discipline, by Dan Seigel and Tina Payne

• Unconditional Parenting, by Alfie Khon

3. Psychological and Attachment focused

• The Explosive Child, by Ross W. Greene

• Lost at School, by Ross W. Greene

• Parenting from the Inside Out, by Dan Seigel

• The Whole-Brain Child, by Dan Seigel

• Brainstorm: The Power and Purpose of the Teenage Brain, by Dan Seigel

• Primal Teen, by Barbra Strauch

• Raising Resilient Kids, by Robert Brooks and Sam Goldstein

4. Adoption and Attachment

• Building the Bonds of Attachment, by Daniel Hughes

• Facilitating Developmental Attachment, by Daniel Hughes

• Twenty Things Adopted Kids Wish Their Parents Knew, by Sherrie Eldridge

5. Social Struggles and Neurodiversity

• Odd Girl Out/Odd Girl Speaks Out, by Rachel Simmons

• Thinking in Pictures, by Temple Grandin

• The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Nighttime, by Mark Haddon

6. Self-Help

• Kitchen Table Wisdom, by Rachel Naomi Remen

• The Journey of the Heroic Parent, by Brad Reedy

Christian/Conservative Parenting Philosophies:

These books use Conservative and religious beliefs to parent. These specific books talk about obedience from the child, the parents authority, and stereotypical gender roles. The authors emphasize parental authority rather than understanding the child. They suggest that the child must obey the parent without question which can lead to secrecy, resentment, and emotional distrust. They talk about gender roles as well, like how the father is the leader, daughters and mothers need protection, and how family values are upheld through discipline. We all have our own beliefs, but a healthy family dynamic cannot be met with this advice. Again, every family is different, and religion has the capability to bond a family, but using religion as an excuse or telling your child they need to act a certain way because of your religious beliefs is unhealthy and unreasonable. The message from these books says that the child's behavior is connected to the parents morality and faith rather than the child's age and the parents influence. These books go to obedience and dominance rather than communication and problem solving. Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters pushes the idea that a child (Specifically a girl) who strays from traditional values is in danger for moral corruption, which leads to toxic parenting styles that stunt the child's personal growth and restrict independence. Five Love Languages of Teenagers expresses that love is conditional. This can lead to manipulative parenting where the parent only shows love when the child is compliant and obedient. That isn't love or guidance, that's manipulation. I believe NLA chose these books to show parents that strict control is godly and necessary. They use these books as excuses to justify their belief that the child’s emotions, struggles, or confusion is disobedience rather than growth. Even in cases where the family doesn't believe in god, this discourages parents from believing their child’s perspective so if the child tries to reach out about the schools abuse, the parent would take it as complaining and disobedience rather than a cry for help. 

Behavior Management and discipline:

Although these books focus on natural consequences, they also talk about “training” the child to be responsible through harsh discipline. For example, in Parenting with Love and Logic, they promote children being taught by natural consequences even when it could be harmful. For Instance, if a kid forgets their lunch, the strictness of the book would suggest the parent does not bring their child lunch even if it meant the child would be hungry all day. That isn’t teaching your child a lesson, that’s neglect. Loving Our Kids On Purpose has a clear underlying message that children (no matter the age) use their emotions to manipulate their parents. The book ends up teaching the parents to always second guess their child's emotional state or straight up not believe them, leading to emotional neglect or gaslighting. As kids grow up they realize people will react differently to tears than yelling or asking, but with a healthy family dynamic, that won't grow into manipulation. Not all kids are thinking of ways to get what they want. These books emphasize on not “rescuing” kids from situations they’ve created. While independence is important, refusing to help your kid when they’re clearly in distress can break their trust rather than build their independence. It’d make the child more afraid to open up and ask for help. With Love and Logic tactics, you'd be told to ignore a child struggling with homework, telling the kid it's their fault if they fail because they’re not paying attention or they’d be able to do the work. That isn’t a natural consequence, that’s a completely hands off approach ignoring the roles of guidance and support. These books also fail to help children with ADHD. Lots of kids (especially kids with ADHD) fail to connect the cause of their own actions to the natural consequences. The child might forget to do their homework, so the book would blame a symptom of their condition rather than tell the parent to problem solve with their child for ways to succeed in the future. These books truly promote an authoritarian dynamic where the parents maintain total control and the children must submit and obey. This shows the books are telling parents that children need to be trained rather than understood. If parents use these books and follow them to the T, it can lead to emotional neglect from the parent, mistrust and discomfort from the child, and overall emotional distress. These books do not account for young kids, kids with trauma, or kids with neurological conditions like ADHD or Autism. These books can be easily misused to justify the harsh treatment of struggling kids. Since NLA recommended these books, they’re suggesting them to parents to help justify detachment, emotional invalidation, and strict control rather than supporting their well-being. They use these books to justify that a parent responding to their child's emotions (no matter how big) is a sign of weakness rather than basic communication. They convey that ignoring your child's distress is a form of discipline. There is a difference between a child experiencing discomfort to learn, and total parental neglect. Some people (like the TTI) will excuse this by saying the books don't directly say to respond like this, but when it comes to the troubled teen industry and parenting material the most important thing to look out for is the underlying message. You should always read between the lines when it comes to your child's safety and growth.

Psychological and Attachment focused:

Some of these books are genuinely helpful. Dan Seigle’s books and Explosive Child promote compassionate and science based parenting. However, the troubled teen industry can misuse these. Brainstorm and Primal Teen talk about how adolescent brains develop, but the TTI used this research to claim that the students were irrational and needed strict control. Raising Resilient Kids  focuses on building emotional strength, but the TTI used this to push their idea that “resilience” means enduring mistreatment without complaint and "powering through" situations that are truly toxic and should be fixed/avoided. These books are generally positive, so I don’t have much to say in this category, but I will say that the TTI uses these books to convince parents that struggling kids need to be fixed rather than given emotional support. They use these books to justify behavioral programs as scientific when they’re not. 

Adoption and Attachment:

These books frame adopted and struggling kids as “difficult”. These books portray struggling kids as inherently hard to parent which can lead to excessive control causing miscommunication and secrecy. Some approaches encourage controlling a child's independence to “rebuild trust”. This leads to isolation, forced submission (based on fear), and an emotionally abusive environment. The reason the TTI would recommend these books is to convince parents their child is too difficult to raise without some sort of intervention. They use these books to justify isolating, restrictive environments as “Healing” for kids with attachment issues. From personal experience, it is detrimental to the child's independence and sense of self if they're kept on a leash like this.

Social Struggles and Neurodiversity:

Not all books in this category are harmful, but they're repeatedly misused by the TTI . The TTI uses these books to frame neurodivergence as a problem to be managed. Thinking In Pictures offers an insightful look at autism based on someone’s true experience, but in the hands of the TTI it's useless. The TTI uses this book to portray neurodivergent kids as needing strict control rather than accommodations. This is proven through the punishments and “consequences” at NLA. The TTI cherry-picks Temple Grandin’s advocacy for structured environments while ignoring her advocacy to treat autistic people with respect. Although The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Nighttime is widely praised, there are aspects that are exaggerated (by the TTI, not the author. To the author, these experiences are very real) or very specific to a certain group of autistic people. In the book, Christopher is almost entirely lacking in empathy which is a common stereotype with autistic people. There are maaaany other people who are autistic that feel "more" more than the average person. This book may have been written for a specific audience, but it was inappropriate for the NLA to put this book on a recommended reading list to all parents when it’s catered to a specific group. The book also shows Christphers dislike of metaphors, literal thinking, discomfort with social interaction, genius mathematical skills, and aversion to touch. Again, These are all catered to a specific group of people. In my time at NLA there was no one there with these struggles. I believe that NLA put this book on the list to dehumanize autistic kids rather than trying to understand their needs. Besides that, there was one more book. The Feelings book (Odd girl out, by Rachel Simmons) could be used to dismiss emotional complexity. While designed to help kids recognize their emotions, in the wrong hands it's twisted to simplify emotions into something the parent can “fix” rather than listen to. This aligns with NLA’s belief that emotions are manipulative rather than genuine.

Self-Help:

Again, not all these books are bad, but they can be twisted and misused. There are some good aspects to these books. They encourage parents to reflect on their own experiences and growth, they tell the parents to read into their past and use personal history to find meaning in certain parenting struggles, they offer a self-help perspective on resilience, healing, and wisdom. They offer help for parents to process their own emotions and actions. The Journey of the Heroic Parent frames parenting as a transformational journey where parents must learn to grow from their experiences. Kitchen Table Wisdom offers stories that inspire emotional growth and wisdom, allowing parents to view challenges with a sense of hope and open mindedness. Although, these can be easily twisted. The TTI can manipulate these ideas to convince parents that their emotional distress is a natural part of the “heroic” process of parenting an “undisciplined” child. Instead of recognizing the need for parental self care and setting boundaries, the TTI pushes parents to ignore their own emotional well-being thinking that suffering is just part of the process. That message could cause parents to believe that everyone must endure emotional hardship for the “greater good” so the child can be prepared for the future. The TTI uses this as an excuse for their harsh and neglectful treatment. While it is true that sometimes hardships can help someone grow, that doesn’t mean it’s healthy to ignore it and push it onto your child because a boarding school said so, especially if that boarding school hinders your communication with your child.

The aftercare program was for the parents. I'd like to interview some parents to see what it was like for them, but as you can imagine it's not as simple as an email. I don't want to disrupt the life of someone who's finally learning to move on. If I get any feedback, I'll add it here.

This was a packet handed out to parents. It might've been for them to work on, but NLA did nothing related to the five focus areas with the students.

This was the aftercare agreement. Again, I'd love to hear your thoughts on the contract.

Again, I have no idea what I was doing here with all the highlighting. I wish I didnt do it to the origional copy, but what's done is done. The person who wrote this was my TA.