Why I'm Speaking Out

Hi, my name is Jordan Densmore, and I went to New Leaf Academy (Bend, OR) from September 14th, 2018 to December 19th, 2019 (15 months). I also went to TRAILS North Carolina for three months prior, but New Leaf affected me much more than TRAILS did. This document has been a work in progress, and I will continue to update and work on it as I gather information, hear other students experiences, and remember more of what my mind blocked out. My mind is quite scattered when talking about NLA because 1) it’s been years since I’ve been, and 2) I’ve talked about it so much, so my explanations may be messy due to how many times I’ve repeated them. I tend to over explain, but in this case it does me good. I hope you read this and learn that not only is it easy for “therapeutic” programs like this to con parents out of their money, but that abuse is still abuse even when it’s not directly physical from person to person. New Leaf has affected us all differently. I wish I could convey how horrible it truly was, but no amount of documentation can amount to that. Please remember, this isn’t “complaining”, it’s documentation of the system. Anyway, Let’s get on with it.

New Leaf Academy was a private therapeutic boarding school in Bend Oregon that catered to girls between the ages of 10 to 15. Students can be there from 11 months to 3 years. In all honesty, It all depends on how much the staff members like you. It’s supposed to support students with their mental health, teach them how to regulate their emotions and form healthy relationships, but in reality New leaf makes you think everything is in your head (yet they still give you meds and false diagnostics), they do NOT tolerate any form of negative emotions, and they purposely partner you up with students you’re struggling with and leave it up to you to figure out how to properly communicate (and punish you when you fail. Not if, but when).

Some of what you read here will make you think “it’s not that bad”, or "at least they weren't hit". I'll stop you right there. Abuse isn't only physical. You're right, I wasn't hit, I was conditioned to be afraid of saying no, holding my own boundaries, and I was taught arguing was unnatural. Everything that made a relationship healthy (like speaking up for myself and telling someone something made me uncomfortable) was taught to me as bad. To this day I still can't say no or speak up for meself without having a panic attack or crying profusely. This was our every day.

Why didn't I tell my parents what was going on? The TTI is really good at planning your visit with your parents so theres no time to really talk about the abuse going on, that the only times I was able to tell my parents about it was while we were in the car on the way back to campus, and at that point it sounded like i was dramatizing what was happening so I could go home. When I was there, I was so overwhelmed that I didn't get the chance to truly think about how horrific it was, My body and nervous system weren't responding properly, they were shut down. Now, at least 7 years later, my body is responding. It's called Somatic Emotional Release. It's scary, it hurts, and most of all its New Leaf's fault. Anyway, let's get back on topic.

Everything was used against us in order to condition us to not disobey, question orders, or speak our mind. To the staff, what really happened doesn’t matter, it only matters what they think and how much they like you. I will add sections for students to reach out and tell me their personal experiences, but other than that I will be focusing on my sole experience. I don’t want to put words in others' mouths or misrepresent a student/rare good staff member. Some students were targeted, and some had it easier than others, but that does not mean that it was any less abusive for those who weren't targeted. You can't compare trauma. Everyone reacts and experiences things differently.

I may use some terminology and say some things that you may not understand, so the first part you should read is the Terminology section. What you read won't make sense unless you look at Terminology first.

[If you want to reach out to me with any comments or questions, you can fill out this "NLA Inquiries” Google Form]